Today when I got to work, the doors were locked and no one was there. I mean, no one except for myself and my office-mate, J. As we stood around outside well past 8am, wondering where in the hell our co workers were, the creepiest co-worker in the entire office rolls up in his creeper-mobile. This co-worker, aside from being the scariest creeper I’ve ever seen, has no key to get inside our building. So we were still locked outside.
Now, office-mate J and I like to call this creeper ”Yes/No” because of his strange ridiculous haircut. (Perfectly groomed, triangular shoulder-cut but completely bald on top. Think, really overzealous mullet.)
To be fair, this man is not solidly in the creeper category by sheer haircut alone. This is a man who will quietly sneak skulk from office to office, getting as uncomfortably close you as possible, then whisper in your ear: ”would you…like…some candy…?” Effectively scaring the crap out of you. No lie, this is a regular occurance.
Anyway, Yes/No pulls into a space that happens to be within stalker distance from us and rolls down his windows halfway to better listen to us and possibly to stick out an arm to offer us candy from the car.
At this point, I am madly texting my boss:
Me: “Just so you know, B (aka “Yes/No”) just got here. We’re locked outside. Together. It’s like the beginning of a horror movie.”
Boss: “LOL! I’m so sorry guys, I’m on my way!”
We waited another few minutes with the tense hope that someone, anyone would let us into the damn building before the creeper tried to make contact. Nothing. Just when I was sure that Yes/No was going to leap from his car in one swift movement and throw us into his trunk, it dawned on me that Chic-Fil-A is across the street. The lightbulb went on. Office-mate J and I jumped into my car and drove across the street to the Haven of All Things Chicken. As we were pulling into the drive thru, we saw the owner of our company, chicken in hand, meandering out to his car. (So this is where they’ve been hiding? I should have known.)
Moral of the story:
And we all lived happily ever after.
Now, office-mate J and I like to call this creeper ”Yes/No” because of his strange ridiculous haircut. (Perfectly groomed, triangular shoulder-cut but completely bald on top. Think, really overzealous mullet.)
To be fair, this man is not solidly in the creeper category by sheer haircut alone. This is a man who will quietly sneak skulk from office to office, getting as uncomfortably close you as possible, then whisper in your ear: ”would you…like…some candy…?” Effectively scaring the crap out of you. No lie, this is a regular occurance.
Anyway, Yes/No pulls into a space that happens to be within stalker distance from us and rolls down his windows halfway to better listen to us and possibly to stick out an arm to offer us candy from the car.
At this point, I am madly texting my boss:
Me: “Just so you know, B (aka “Yes/No”) just got here. We’re locked outside. Together. It’s like the beginning of a horror movie.”
Boss: “LOL! I’m so sorry guys, I’m on my way!”
We waited another few minutes with the tense hope that someone, anyone would let us into the damn building before the creeper tried to make contact. Nothing. Just when I was sure that Yes/No was going to leap from his car in one swift movement and throw us into his trunk, it dawned on me that Chic-Fil-A is across the street. The lightbulb went on. Office-mate J and I jumped into my car and drove across the street to the Haven of All Things Chicken. As we were pulling into the drive thru, we saw the owner of our company, chicken in hand, meandering out to his car. (So this is where they’ve been hiding? I should have known.)
Moral of the story:
- Yes/No is super creepy.
- When in doubt, escape.
- Chick-Fil-A is across the street.
- Turns out, the owner of our company likes chicken for breakfast too.
And we all lived happily ever after.
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