Dog torture device

When the door bell rings, my dog barks like a maniac to warn us there's someone outside. This is great unless it's Halloween or if there are a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses out there (they always just kind of stand there a little too long, then the dog will never shut up).

As it is nearly Halloween, I have purchased a Dog Torture Device that I am rather excited about. (Also known as a Halloween costume.)

** Before you sympathize with my dog, remember that I have spoiled him completely rotten for almost three years now. He repays me by doing whatever the hell he wants and nothing else. **

Because my dog is so massive, finding an acceptable costume for His Fluffy, Black Cuteness has been a real pain in my ass. I was almost down to spray painting his fur with stripes of yellow and calling him a bee. However, I saw a flaw in that plan and fortunately (or unfortunately) for my little precious, I finally located him a pumpkin getup.

I did this for two reasons:

1. He is a giant ass black dog and kids tend to be scared of him so I feel like a costume will ease their arguably justifiable fear. Who's afraid of a giant pumpkin? No one.
2. I want him to be festive.

This will end in one of two ways:

1. He will submit to my will and dutifully wear the pumpkin getup like a good dog and be handsomely rewarded for his suffering with a multitude of treats.
2. (More likely) He will have to be held down on more than one occasion to keep the costume from being ripped to shreds and buried.

So I'll let you know how it goes.

**UPDATE**

We tried the big, puffy getup but it was too tiny for his massive puppy body. We substituted this pumpkin T-shirt: