How much for an extra G?

About a month ago, my dad got bored and decided to give me a 3G phone. Since my phone at the time had only 2 G's, (or however many godforsaken G's normal phones have - I'm not a rocket scientist) I thought; "this seems like a fabulous idea."

So I went down to the phone-place and paid them a vast amount of money to give me cellular service. It very well may have been fabulous plan at one point. Unfortunately, it didn't last real long. Damn thing died immediately. (This conclusion came from my observation that usually, when buttons are pressed, things should happen.) So back to the phone-place went I, spewing curses and making awkward and unnecessary hand gestures.

I slapped it on the counter, scowled fiercely, pointed and grunted. (Obviously, I meant business). However, this merely resulted in me being informed by a lady with the longest fingernails I've ever seen telling me nonchalantly that it would only cost me about a bajillion dollars to fix my new phone or I could buy a new one for a slightly discounted price. (Read: save $2.)

I don't know why, but sales people like to make us feel bad about ourselves. As if I am just a lame sack of bones and hair unless I sign my life away to own whatever useless crap they are peddling at an inflated price. Lady Long Nails was no exception and she happened to be an excellent salesperson.

As I sat there, partially consumed with rage at the insanity of paying for a new phone twice and partially weirded out by the nails...

...my eye caught on something shiny.

I think one of my biggest flaws is that I am easily swayed. I am a telemarketer's wet dream. All that lady had to do was place something shinier and more expensive in my general vicinity and I was on that shit like the Grinch on Christmas. (Except I'm not green, or hairy or Christian. So...bad example...but you get the general idea.) I was all about poking a screen with my fingernail and knowing the weather in South Dakota in under two seconds. It made sense. I was home.

So instead of just yelling at her, bursting into a frustrated fit of tears or otherwise arguing until I got my way, I somehow managed to give her half of my bank account, my soul and my dignity and I left with a shiny new 4G phone.

So far I know how to poke it enthusiastically and yell.