It's mutual, Biting Cat.

I will begin by saying that the cat and I were never friends. (Not that I dislike cats or anything, I'm a veritable animal lover. It's just this one cat.)

This is Boyfriend's cat. This statement tells you two things;

1. I had nothing to do with the selection or upbringing of this horrible beast.
2. I can't get rid of her, not by accident nor by design.

The cat likes biting me, glaring at me from a variety of perches throughout the house, eating shoelaces with no remorse and hacking up hairballs on my once clean floors. According to my sister, she's not all bad. The cat really likes purring and cuddling with everyone who is not me, all while glaring at me from afar.

The cat and I are at opposite ends of the couch, glaring at each other due, in large part, to Boyfriend's Mom. Boyfriend left the cat with his parents while he was away at school a few years ago and over the summer Boyfriend's Mom  returned the cat to him. (Probably because of the biting.) Anyway. Boyfriend is still in school out of state and his insane landlady doesn't take kindly to non-human, non-rent-paying individuals.

And so somehow, I was tricked into unwilling cat ownership. Here's how it went:


Boyfriend's Mom places the cat in the back of her large SUV.

 Boyfriend's parents drive eight hours with the cat to bestow the cat upon their son.

 Boyfriend enjoys a nice summer of ignoring me and baby talking his insolent beast.

At the end of the summer, Boyfriend looked at me with his sad Boyfriend eyes.

Boyfriend somehow convinces me that the cat and I will get along splendidly.

Boyfriend returns to school at the end of the summer, leaving me with the petulant beast.

The cat begins glaring at me, stalking me and biting me at every possible opportunity.

 Yay.